About last night...
Two hours of our lives that we are never getting back... but read this anyway
I did it. I watched the entire GOP presidential debate. And God, was it awful. Beyond that, though, here are a few takeaways, in particular order:
Ron DeSantis was pretty good. And if he still had nine months until the Iowa caucuses, “pretty good” and the slow and steady build after each “pretty good” debate performance, coupled with the fall in Trump’s floor in Iowa that also occurs every time Trump doesn’t debate, would be good enough. But January is fast approaching, and DeSantis really needs to pull a rabbit out of his hat here.
Nikki Haley remains the most adept debater for my money, but she was far less good last night than in the first debate. Attacking Tim Scott, who she appointed to the Senate was both a seriously weird move and a missed opportunity. Why wasn’t the retort to Scott simply “I agree with everything he just said, and that’s why it’s really important he stays right where he is, in the US Senate, so he can keep authoring great bills and helping pass them, so I can sign them into law.”
I did not find the Christie “Donald Duck” line especially funny. It reminded me of John McCain’s over-rehearsed and over-scripted late-night crack from 2008 about having selected Dwight Schrute as his running mate. I say this with no disrespect intended to John McCain; he was often extremely funny, but usually when embracing more British-style dark humor and not more American slap-stick whatever. Maybe me not loving Christie’s joke is me being too British, and not enough American.
That said, Christie’s facial expression for most of the debate about summed up my feelings. He doesn’t look like he wants to be at these debates. I don’t really want to watch them. Apart from the fact that continuing to do them sans Trump, and having DeSantis deliver “pretty good” performances, will inch DeSantis up in Iowa and Trump down, I’m struggling to see the point. It looks like Christie is, too. I feel his pain.
Vivek Ramaswamy continues to be the most irritating person in the presidential race, possibly with the exception of RFK, Jr., but I haven’t definitively decided about that. Everything is word salad reversing positions he previously held, visible contempt for everyone else on the stage and especially Nikki Haley (I thought in their exchange, he came off like a sexist prick, and candidly, if I were in a debate with him and he pulled that, I’d be tempted to whack him in the forehead with my stiletto— I bet Nikki was, too). I’m convinced his ever-expanding hair conceals a ChatGPT device that is directly connected to his mouth. The only utility I can find for Vivek is that he might actually pick some votes off of Trump and give someone else a shot if about three miracles occur in rapid succession.
Bashing Trump for not attending debates does give DeSantis and Christie a good way of reminding voters that Trump actually has a ton of contempt for them. But God help them if he does debate, because I don’t think Ron DeSantis is capable of taking Trump down in a debate one-on-one at least right now, and I think Christie (and maybe Trump, too) might have a coronary live on stage if he did. I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it until it is not true: Trump skipping debates always hurts him in polls. These guys do not want Trump to debate. The good news is, they probably will not manage to goad him into doing it, even if his lead over DeSantis in Iowa narrows to ten points because I think Trump’s lawyers would sooner abduct him and put him on a private jet to Antarctica wrapped head to toe in duct tape than let him within 100 feet of a debate stage.
In general, all of these people need to understand what Kellyanne Conway said before the debate. Voters are not looking to hear your ten point plan for whatever intricate policy fix. They want to feel they get to know you as a person, and that you’re like them on some level. Yes, for us political dorks (and all the politicians, except perhaps Trump and Vivek and Marianne Williamson are political dorks), the details matter a great deal. To everyone else, this is just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that makes you sound like, well, a dork. And they all did a ton of it last night. Please God, if you’re reading this and you work for any of these people, tell them to find a way to speak at about an eighth grade level and not sound like a policy fellow from AEI, or Heritage or AFPI, or wherever. Tim Scott kind of gets this, but he did also manage to get dragged into a discussion about curtains of all things; hopefully, everyone learned a lesson from that (the lesson being “don’t do that” not “wow, Nikki Haley has really expensive taste in curtains”).
Another “in general”: Points to Christie for at least trying to be funny, I guess. but good Lord, these people all need to learn how to make us laugh, because two hours of this is currently making most of us want to cry. Please hire a comedy writer— they’re not on strike anymore! Heck, I don’t particularly want to be involved with any of these people’s campaigns, but if you work for any of these people, feel free to email me (info at mairstrategies dot com). I write some pretty funny jokes for politicians, albeit usually ones they’re too petrified to use (but I would note, given where these people are polling, what do they really have to lose?).
I don’t think there’s any utility in Doug Burgum or Mike Pence being on the stage anymore. Cut them. No one is buying what they’re selling. I’d also love to see Vivek cut, but he is a useful proxy for Trump and at least we have learned by having him there that Nikki Haley has two more balls than him and probably the requisite balls to dust Trump in a head-to-head debate should it ever come to that.
A fashion note, because yes, I actually care about this stuff and think it matters. Can all the dudes in the race (bar Tim Scott who at least had a slightly different tie) not wear what looks like a designated uniform? Seriously, try a different color of tie. Or even a different shade of red. Really. Look at this.
For Nikki, please wear something less shiny. You looked pretty, but the shininess was a little distracting if I’m honest. Also, whether you like it or not, in these debates, you have assumed the role of being tough-ass bitch who will kick the federal government into obeisance. Dress a little less Southern Belle, and a little more mean. Maybe something like this, with a matching or black skirt.
Final note: Make sure you check out a little of Gavin Newsom’s Biden surrogacy last night. I’m pretty well convinced he, not Biden, will be on the 2024 ballot. Start getting familiar.